I would like to share with you my personal journey of healing and wholeness. It's my prayer that God use this testimony to minister hope and healing to your heart. May you draw closer to Jesus as you discover Him as your Great Physician.
It all began back in early October 2006 on my birthday, when God began to speak to me about trust. As a family we would often take the time to heard from God for one another on our birthdays. I will never forget the scripture verse God gave my son for me that year. He could see the scripture reference John 14:1 etched in a stone which says as follows in the amplified version: “Do not let your heart be troubled (afraid, cowardly). Believe[confidently] in God and trust in Him, [have faith, hold on to it, rely on it, keep going and] believe also in Me.
Little did I know that just 2 weeks later while laying in a hospital bed waiting to hear from doctors, I would require the comfort from these words.
I remember lying on the bedroom floor late one evening when suddenly I felt like something had ruptured in my abdomen. It was in that moment of desperation and excruciating pain that I had decided to call 911. I was then rushed to the hospital and given the help I was seeking. Thank the Lord for first responders. What relief I felt as they took me safely to the hospital . Although I had no answers about my condition at that point in time, I knew that I was in good hands and remembered feeling a sense of relief and peace . I would only come to realize later that many where lifting me up in prayer.
God's word says in Psalm 46:1-5 (NKJV) that:
God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear,
Even though the earth be removed,
And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
3 Though its waters roar and be troubled,
Though the mountains shake with its swelling. Selah
4 There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God,
The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved;
God shall help her, just at the break of dawn."
As I read this scripture from the Psalms I'm reminded how God helped me to remain so peaceful and calm through this journey
After a series of tests were done, I was told they had found something of concern. I was then referred to a specialist and after given more tests, I was handed a very bleak report. There was high suspicion that I could have ovarian cancer. Upon hearing this devastating news, a sense of disbelief and shock hit me. A close friend had recently died of cancer and I wondered if this was God's way of preparing me for the same journey. Then suddenly my mind switched to my family and the thought came to me I need to start loving my husband and children more. It's interesting the thoughts that can go through our minds when we are given news of this nature. I thanked the doctor and told him that he was the right person to tell me this news. I recall feeling a sense of calm and peace which seemed quite unusual under the circumstances.
Upon leaving the appointment I found myself talking to a lady in the lobby. As she sat confided to her wheelchair I was comforted by her words of encouragement. I recall her saying something along the lines of "putting my trust in God even if I don't have all the answers." It brought me back to my birthday scripture verse from John 14:1. , “Do not let your heart be troubled (afraid, cowardly). Believe[confidently] in God and trust in Him, [have faith, hold on to it, rely on it, keep going and] believe also in Me." God in His loving way allowed our paths to cross at just the right time.
As I got into my car to head home again, I was prompted by the Holy Spirit to turn on the radio. CHRI 99.1 fm radio was playing a song at that moment that spoke once again into my heart words of hope and life. Here is a portion of the words from that song called, " Everyday" by Hillsong United.
What to say, Lord? It's
You who gave me life and I
Can't explain just how
Much You mean to me now
That You have saved me, Lord
I give all that I am to You
That everyday I could
Be a light that shines Your name
Everyday, Lord, I'll
Learn to stand upon Your word
And I pray that I
I might come to know You more
That You would guide me in every single step I take, that
Everyday I can
Be Your light unto the world
Everyday, it's You I live for
Everyday, I'll follow after You
Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord............
It's amazing how a song can mean so much to us at just the right moment in our lives. I felt that this song became my declaration because it spoke to me about living and not dying. I was feeling rather hopeful to say the least.
Upon arriving home I immediately called my dad who is gifted in hearing the voice of God for others. As he waited on the Lord to hear from heaven for my situation he said, "Jill I feel God is saying everything is going to be ok!" Wow! In other words I didn't need to worry . Ok. There seemed to be a reoccurring theme. Trust, don't worry, you're going to be ok!
The next day however, the words of comfort were fading quickly with thoughts of despair and fear of death and pain. I couldn't seem to shake them and they overwhelmed me. It's funny how one moment we can be so hopeful and the next thinking the worst. I felt the need at this point to reached out to a friend for support. She reminded me to not listen to the lies of the enemy. As she prayed, my peace returned and I thanked her.
I thought to myself " Was everything really going to be ok?" I felt I needed something more to anchor my faith in these words. It wasn't until my father called me again and said, "Jill you need to listen to Andrew Wommack's teaching on healing. I think it will encourage you." I listened with an open heart to the powerful teaching of what Jesus had done for me on the cross. As I listened the gift of faith rose in me. It was as if I was hearing this truth for the first time.
Jesus not only died for all our sins but healed all our diseases as He hung on that cross. Jesus was inviting me to receive freely the gift of healing, just as I did my salvation. Healing is not something we work hard to receive, it is a gift received by faith. I don't earn it nor do I deserve it. This was reassuring me that my illness was not punishment for something I had done wrong.
Ok I said to myself. Jesus you have the final say here and I receive my healing by faith. I will not talk about the problem... instead I will choose to speak of your promise and provision. Your word says in Isaiah 53:5b that "By His stripes we are healed". This became my new confession and I stood fast on that word everywhere I went.
In Hebrews 4:12 (NKJV) it says:
12 For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart."
I was oh so careful not to let go of God's word, my powerful weapon. Even refusing the temptation to research on the world wide web about ovarian cancer, I decided to make " By His stripes I am healed " my new confession which increased my level of faith and helped me to keep my eyes away from the problem.
It says in 1 Peter 3:10-12 that:
“He who would love life
And see good days,
Let him refrain his tongue from evil,
And his lips from speaking deceit.
11 Let him turn away from evil and do good;
Let him seek peace and pursue it.
12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
And His ears are open to their prayers;
But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”
I also like how God uses visuals in my life to make a point. I could see myself handing God the doctors report that said " Ovarian Cancer" and in my mind He took it and said "It's been paid in full with my blood. My blood covers it all!" I could not refuse His report so I took it by faith. When one has these encounters with God they become forever etched in your mind.
In Psalms 103: I-3 (NKJV) we are reminded of this promise.
"Bless the Lord, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
2 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
3 Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases, "
My visit with the surgeon was yet another step in the journey that required trust. Still believing God for my complete healing, I didn't want my faith to waiver. So when I was asked to sign the forms to prepare for surgery I wondered if that was part of my healing? The nurse seemed rather inspired by my bold stand and my unshakable confidence in My God and said that I was an inspiration to many. But she also reminded me that surgery was necessary and that my two young boys needed their mom. I quietly asked the Lord what He would have me do. In His gentle and reassuring way He encouraged me that signing my name to proceed with surgery was not going to nullify my faith. I agreed to sign the papers and proceeded with the doctor's orders. I was soon to realize that God had prepared the very best for me. My surgeon was a gift sent from heaven. She was a quiet and gentle natured soul who paid close attention to detail. A highly caring and gifted lady that I soon came to respect and appreciate.
Now I was required to sit still while I waited for another month and a half before the scheduled surgery. God knows us intimately and he understands us best and although God had given me many signs to show that He was with me and that I had nothing to worry about, He knew that I would appreciate further reassurance and comfort. During those several weeks of waiting God had a friend call me up and tell me that while she was at work, she heard God say, " Tell Jill that everything is going to be ok!" If that wasn't enough to encourage me, God sent but another person to tell me that each time she passed by a wreath I had made which was hanging up on her wall, she would lift me up in prayer. She told me that as clear as day, she heard God say " Tell Jill that everything is going to be ok!" How comforting to hear these same words not once but three times. I could feel God holding my hand and I felt more and more secure and safe.
The bible says in 2 Corinthians 13:1 (Berean Literal Translation) that "This is the third time I am coming to you. In the mouth of two or three witnesses every matter will be established."
So I continued to hold onto the promises of God. I was so careful not to come into agreement with anything other than His words. My God was so faithful to fill me with such peace during this waiting period. I was surrounded by praying saints and continued to lift my eyes to Jesus especially when I would look at myself in the mirror. I had lost some weight and knew that I wasn't looking my best but God wanted me to keep my focus on Him. I guess that's why He encourages all of us to "Fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith."
On a very practical level, it became necessary for me choose wisely when it came time to eat. I've always enjoyed learning about nutrition and eating a healthy diet, rich with nutrients. Don't get me wrong I would have my times of indulgences too but knowing the seriousness of my condition I decided to cut out a lot of food that had little or no nutritional value. So I visited the local health food store and invested in some good vitamin supplements to boost my immune system. All this was to prepare me for the days ahead.
Upon returning to the hospital to review a plan of treatment, I was given advice by the team of medical professionals to prepare for chemotherapy. As I had become accustom to inquire of the Lord about decisions, both my husband and I sought the wisdom of God on this matter. We both felt this wasn't the path we were to follow for my healing. We had a deep sense of conviction about this decision and were at peace.
I recall the day I was scheduled for surgery on January 4th 2007. A friend said to me when we spoke together that day, that I sounded like someone going to the spa not someone going for surgery. I was filled with the peace of God that was unexplainable. Only by the grace of God can that happen. This truly was another supernatural sign to me because for years I suffered with depression and anxiety. God was not only healing my body but also my soul.
Upon being ushered into the operating room I could sense that God had prepared everything ahead of time. I could see once again in a vision, God holding a clip board and overseeing every last detail of the day. Checking things off as they were done. He was in charge looking over every detail and making sure that everything would run smoothly. Just before being put under the anesthetic I felt a strong urge to ask the surgeon if I could say a prayer. She agreed and said that would be lovely. I was grateful for her willingness and after praying could feel myself slipping into a deep sleep. The next moment I was awake in the recovery room having my vital signs monitored and asked how I was feeling.
I was overjoyed to hear the surgeon's report on the results of my surgery. She and all the other members of the medical team where rather surprised to find a very large small intestinal tumor attached to my ovary. The ovarian cancer diagnosis was quickly ruled out. She also reassured me that the tumor was fully contained and looked benign in nature. After she gave me the good news, I was so blessed to hear that my prayer offered before the surgery had set the tone for her practice for the new year. To God be the glory!
I was ever so grateful but still not out of the woods as they say. Two days after surgery, I was feeling more and more uneasy as the nurse continued to take my blood pressure and pulse. She was not seeing a change as it continued to drop below normal. Concern was written all over her face as she came in frequently to routinely check it. She put a call for to the doctor who was now concerned that I might be bleeding internally. They decided to give me a pint of blood to see if there would be any change before considering reopening me up. The idea of going back to the operating table was undeniably disturbing.
My mom being a women of faith and prayer, sent out the word to as many as possible to intercede for my situation. She called in the army of God to take action on my account. The praying saints and the angelic forces where working for me. I could sense the prayers of the saints and the angelic presence. As the nurse came to administer the blood I thought I would ask if I could bless the bag. I took the bag of blood in my hands and whispered a prayer. God would protect me once again. My blood pressure and pulse began to return to normal. Slowly I started to regain my strength and was ready to be discharged. God answers prayer.
While recuperating at home, I was ever so blessed by the generous help my church family were offering me. Meals came in and others offered their help in whatever way I needed it. My husband took the time to attend to my needs each day for 2 weeks. I gradually regained strength and was progressing well.
Upon returning to the hospital for follow up and reviewing my progress, I was given the good news that no sign of cancer was detected from the biopsy. To God be the glory for He is faithful to His Word. I was equally thankful that God sent me the best to care for all my needs while in the hospital. Their caring and loving support was truly felt.
My God was still not finished with His surprises. The first visit with the oncologist was rather a unique experience in the fact that as he was describing the type of tumor that was removed I found myself humored and a deep belly laugh came bellowing out of me. Again as he examined the incision site, this unexplainable laughter erupted. This laughter would come and go for the next year. I had never experienced such joy before this. God was sending me laughter from heaven. I recalled a friend who is a strong intercessor tell me that she had a dream about me where she saw me soak up God's presence and his angels came down from heaven delivering laughter. This dream was now becoming my reality.
The bible says in Proverbs that "laughter is like good medicine." I was given a medicine that only God could give me. It hasn't left me to this day. Not quite as frequent but at times in the Presence of the Lord this deep belly laughter will erupt. Oh how good it feels to my whole being.
It's been over 10 years now and I rejoice in this healing. My God is faithful and unique in His many wonderful ways of healing me. It is my prayer that many will be blessed and encouraged by this testimony. That you will find hope and strength from what God has done for me. For what he has done for me He will surely do for you for He is no respecter of persons nor does he show partiality. We are all God's children and He loves to show himself strong in our lives. May God bless you as you believe for your own healing journey, walking with God hand in hand. May He shelter you under His protective hands and reveal His Presence to you in real and tangible ways.
Psalm 30New King James Version (NKJV)
The Blessedness of Answered Prayer
A Psalm. A Song at the dedication of the house of David.
30 I will extol You, O Lord, for You have lifted me up,
And have not let my foes rejoice over me.
2 O Lord my God, I cried out to You,
And You healed me.
3 O Lord, You brought my soul up from the grave;
You have kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.[a]
4 Sing praise to the Lord, you saints of His,
And give thanks at the remembrance of His holy name.[b]
5 For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for life;
Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.
6 Now in my prosperity I said,
“I shall never be moved.”
7 Lord, by Your favor You have made my mountain stand strong;
You hid Your face, and I was troubled.
8 I cried out to You, O Lord;
And to the Lord I made supplication:
9 “What profit is there in my blood,
When I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise You?
Will it declare Your truth?
10 Hear, O Lord, and have mercy on me;
Lord, be my helper!”
11 You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
12 To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.